Leadership and Bad Bosses

I’ve spent a great deal of time debating whether to blog on this particular subject or not.  But I think enough time has passed that perhaps the worst of the words said have been forgotten and perhaps enough time has lapsed that I can think with a clear mind. But where do I even begin?  I guess at the very beginning…..

When I was in high school I had absolutely no clue what I wanted to do in college.  I knew that I wanted that much {college} but I had no idea what field I would go into.  I had stints where I thought I’d be a chemical engineer, a doctor, a veterinarian, a food critic, a pastry chef and more.  But those dreams came and went.  I eventually settled on joining the military after graduation and I would eventually earn my commission through the NROTC program, which paid my school bills in full and provided me with a job immediately upon graduation and commissioning.  All I had to do was get good grades and workout here and there.  Piece of cake!  So four years later I found myself on the brink of a precipice where I could either leap and experience life or take the safe route, which I know would have left me playing the “What if?” game.  So I leaped and found myself in Japan, on a ship in the middle of the ocean, in charge of 20 Sailors and billions of dollars worth of very technical and very important combat equipment.  This tour, my first tour as a naval officer, left me with a lot of memories, many good and many not so good, and a lot of lessons learned.  While I made some of my greatest friendships sailing the high seas of the Pacific, saw humanity in the eyes of poverty-stricken countries and learned so much about myself, what will benchmark that tour for me for the rest of my lucid years will be the memories of Capt. Holly Graf.  Read here for the background info on which I’m about to delve.

All I wanted to do was affect people’s lives, for the better.  I wanted to make a difference and experience life to its fullest.  I wanted to challenge myself and step outside of the safe box I had lived in for the past 22 years.  And while I firmly believe that I accomplished all of that during my 27 month tour, some of the biggest lessons I learned were of what NOT to do as a leader, whether it be in the Navy as a female officer or not in the military.  Like, you should probably place a certain amount of trust in your senior leadership.  You shouldn’t micromanage people who are well-qualified in their jobs.  You shouldn’t yell, scream, throw coffee mugs or headsets at people when you’re angry.  You should never berate someone in public, but council them in private.  You should set a clear vision of goals and stick to them.  You should not contradict yourself to the point that your subordinates have absolutely no clue how to their jobs.  And then you shouldn’t scream their heads off because they didn’t live up to your expectations!  You should not threaten people with empty threats.  And most of all, you shouldn’t put their lives in danger.  All of these are fairly simple and basic principles from leadership 101.

Everyone has their own take on her and her crazy, tyrannical and dictatorial antics.  Some stories are worse than others.  For many of us, we just look back, laugh and smile that we survived it all.  But the thing that I will never stop thinking about is “How did she get so far?” and how she was labeled the “Golden Girl” who quite obviously failed.  I understand that she comes from a very different time than the one I currently serve in as a female surface warfare officer (SWO).  Times were different 25 years ago.  I get that.  But it’s no excuse for absurd and obscene behavior that gives other female officers a bad reputation.

Prior to her arrival we heard lots of stories.  Some were ok, but most were horrifying.  But, trying to be the optimistic young officer that I was, I declared that I would give her the benefit of the doubt.  But after a quick 2 months, that benefit of the doubt quickly dissipated and I joined the bandwagon with my colleagues.  Under her reign of terror I had never ever felt worse about myself as an officer or a human being in my entire life.  I had never cried myself to sleep as much as I did under her rule and I definitely never had ever dreamed that I would work for someone as terrible of a person as her.  The imprint and scars she has left on me are some of my biggest deciding factors to get out of the Navy when my time is up.

We all have bad bosses.  Yes, I get that.  So you might be wondering how she was fired for “being a bad boss”.  I admit the article does no good in validating her removal from command.  It made it sound like she beat crew members, which was not true.  However, when a single commander’s behavior begins to create such an environment wrought with psychological, emotional and verbal abuse that has existed long before she stepped aboard the Cowpens, then yes, my friends, she very much deserved what she got.

While most are glad to see her go and wish her good riddance, I can’t help but pity her.  Because now she is left with absolutely nothing except an embarrassing finale to a 25yr career and no one to turn to.  While I can’t quite figure out which direction my life is going right now and where I’ll eventually end up when this gig is over, I do know that I have handfuls of people I love and who love me in return.  People I can run to when life gets tough and it’s all of a sudden too much to handle.  And that, dear readers, I firmly believe is the beginning of a solid foundation of good leadership.  Because if you can’t build relationships anchored in love and trust, then what else do we have left in this world?